The murders at Camp Crystal Lake
by Sambebop
Summary: This is a satirical version of Friday the 13th. All OC's. Please Leave a review.


Part 1

I do not own Friday the 13th

"Where you going?" the driver asked Jess. "Camp Crystal lake." Jess replied. Jess was a rather stupid girl. Her highest grade in high school was 13 and it was with the teacher supervising her and telling her the right answers. Jess is what we call, easy. All the boys in high school love Jess. She is going to camp because she wants to be a camp consular. Jess is going to meet her friends at the lake; she has curly brown hair and blue eyes. She gets into the truck with the possible sex offender and they go off to camp Crystal Lake. The driver is in overalls and he asks her why she goes there. "We wanna reopen the camp." She says in a thick southern drawl. Yes she has a southern accent.

"Don't you know what happened there?" The man asks Jess. "No. What happened?" She replied. "Well a little boy drowned here and then two people were murdered." He said in a dark voice. "Well so what. I'm hot, hot chicks don't die." She said while adjusting her shirt. The driver stared at her the same time she was fixing her top. "Your momma must be so proud." He muttered while rubbing his nipple. "Oh, do you have an itch there?" Jess asked. "Um…yeah let's go with that." He replied slyly. The truck came to a complete stop. The driver reached for a bottle of water and he "accidentally" spilt it on her shirt. "Oh my, I am so sorry. Let me take a picture of that." He said and snapped a quick picture with his pone. "Well it is hot. Thanks for the cool down mister and thanks for the ride." Jess said as she stepped out of the truck. She got her bags and walked to the cabins. "The folks at the club are gonna love this." The driver said to himself. Then he drove off.

Jess walked to one of the cabins. There were three cabins that didn't have old police tape on it. Then a one of Jess's friends walked out of the cabin. "Hi, James."She said. James was tall and athletic; he was even dumber than Jess. "I saw a fire truck today Jess. A real black fire truck." He told her and he hugged. It was 98 degrees and James was wearing his Lettermen Jacket. He had a short buzz cut and it is quite amazing that he has not yet managed to kill himself. One thing you must realize is that James' mom smoked a lot of meth while pregnant with James. Also right after he was born, James was so slippery with after birth, the doctor dropped him and James landed right on his soft spot. "Good for you James. I saw a bird." Jess replied with a big smile.

"Hey you two come help me with this." This was Sara. Sara is a ginger and tall. Sara was attempting to move a very old elm tree. Why was she doing this? Because she is also stupid but she only acts it. Sara is 13th in her class but she acts dumb because she is what we call an attention whore. Attention whores instead of sexing up boys get the same sexual satisfaction from attention. Sara gave up on the tree and went back into the log cabin. How are all these incompetent teenagers in charge of a camp? The answer to that is simple, fathers. All their parents are rich. Sara's dad runs a computer company. James 'parents sued the hospital and then made several smart investments into bow tie sales. Jess's parents are drug lords and run several cartels in Mexico. They send her monthly checks of a lot of Pesos.

There are 2 more members at this camp. One of them is the son of a NFL punter. His name is Rex and he is the president of the grade. He hangs out with all of the other losers because of football. Rex is the best punter in the country and they say he is going to go pro. Rex also likes James to do all the grunt work. Rex keeps his punting leg in a wrapped so he doesn't strain it. Rex is Tall and lanky and he has long blonde hair. The last member is Jim. Jim is the size of a small whale and he jiggles a lot. He is black and has black hair. It is an afro and it's fantastic. He also rocks a handle bar mustache. He is an average student and he is really handy with tools.

"Why is there police tape on some of the cabins?" Jess asked Rex. "Oh, I'm having it cleaned because there have been hobo orgies in there. It is really gross and smelly. One of them was also a meth lab so I had to take care of that." Rex replied. "I heard that there were murders here?" Sara said. "Yes there was, but people will come back because this is a very big lake. We have to open within a week so we can make some money this year. We have a 6 week summer program and some more people will be here next week to help." Rex told the group. The rest of the day consisted of hard work of cleaning out cabins and restoring anything that was broken.

That night they all gathered outside with a camp fire roaring. "Were is James?" Jess asked. "The big dumb giant must have gotten lost. I'll go find him" Jim said. It took him a few attempts to get up but he managed. It was hard to watch, like seeing turtle on its back. The rest sat there and looked at the fire. "You know I think I saw a movie that had a bunch of teens at a lake. I can't remember how it ended because James was all over me." Jess said. Rex coughed and it sounded awfully like "Slut." Then they heard a very girly scream. It is like when a little girl is asked to get into the white unmarked van with the offer of free candy. Rex then screamed "JIM!"

**To Be Continued….**


End file.
